How to be Liked

For John, BLUF:  If you show interest in people, they respond.  Nothing to see here; just move along.

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A Harvard Study Reveals the Secret to Being Likable

Here is the sub-headline:

It’s not being polite, helpful, or having a good sense of humor.

From Medium> by Ms Margaret Pan, 18 Januart 2023.

Here is the lede plus five:

It might be an inconvenient truth, but being likable is something we all (deep down) crave.

That’s because it makes life easier.

If you think that people are born charming, you’re mistaken — likability can be learned and honed, just like any other skill.

But what is it that makes a person likable?

According to this Harvard study, described in an HBR article, the secret to being more likable and improving interpersonal bonding isn’t being polite, helpful, or having a good sense of humor.

It’s asking more questions.

I am a bit surprised at this, in that some suggest that asking questions, especially of immigrants, is a sign of disrespect, or even racism.

I don't find this true in my own experience, but i am careful.  Monday i had my blood drawn and asked the lady doing it where she was from.  She played along and asked "Where do you think?"  I said Goa.  She turned to the young lady observing and asked her if she knew where that was.  She said no and I explained it was a former Portugese colony on the Southwest coast of India.  From there we eased into her becoming a US Citizen and me encouraging her in that.  I thought it was a good experience all around and I hardly noticed when she inserted the needle.

I encourage you to ask questions, find common ground and show interest.

But thoughtfully.  When my Visiting Nurse made his first visit I asked him where he was from and he responded New Hampshire, in a way that didn't invite a follow-up question.  I didn't.  Respect another person's privacy.

Hat tip to the InstaPundit.

Regards  —  Cliff